Seven Questions with Desi

Welcome to Seven Questions — the Zero Kids Zero Regrets Interview Series!

In this edition, our editor-in-chief, Millie Lemmon, interviews Desi about her life and experiences as a childfree woman. Desi is a 57-year-old woman from the American heartland who loves her garden, murder shows, and having zero kids. 

1. Did you decide to be childfree or was it a decision made for you? Tell us about that: Why, when, how?

I made the decision early in life that I did not want to be a mother or a wife. People have often assumed I never found the right person, or that I prioritized career ambitions, or some other reason, but in reality parenting and partnering just never appealed to me.

2. Do you have a partner? If not, is that also by choice? If you do, how did you get on the same page? When do you think is the time to have that conversation with a partner?

I do not have a partner. I really love the freedom of being single and childfree. I never have to negotiate my choices with anyone else.

3. How does your family feel about your being childfree? Do you get any pushback?

I think they're fine with it. If they do have feelings about it, they haven't shared them with me. It would probably be an issue if I were an only child, but I come from a big family with six siblings, and there are lots of grandkids. 

4. How does being childfree affect your friendships?

Most of my friends are also childfree, which in my experience is typical of childfree women of my generation. 

I would say the biggest friendships that have been affected are the friendships I have with my siblings. We do far fewer things together now that aren't centered around family get-togethers, since they had kids. 

5. What role, if any, do children play in your life? Would you like them to play a bigger or smaller role?

I adore spending time with my nieces and nephews, but they're aging out of childhood now. When they were little, it was great to be the fun aunt who could take them for the day and then give them back at the end of the day. Now, it's great to be the cool aunt who can listen and give advice on subjects that it might not be the easiest to talk to Mom and Dad about.

I expect children won't play much of a role in my life until the nieces and nephews start having kids themselves, which probably won't be too long now.

6. Is there anything you feel like you’re missing out on by choosing not to have children, even though you don’t regret your decision?

I don't. Although, that's another answer that might be different if I hadn't come from such a big nuclear family. Being childfree in a family with lots of kids feels like the best of both worlds to me.

7. What are the benefits to your decision to remain childfree?

The freedom is everything. All the other benefits I could list would ultimately come back to that. I don't answer to anyone, don't worry about hurting or disappointing anyone, don't worry about anyone hurting or disappointing me, don't have to sacrifice what I want out of this one life I've got. It's pretty great.

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