Seven Questions with Nicole
Welcome to Seven Questions — the Zero Kids Zero Regrets Interview Series!
In this edition, our business manager, Nicolette Landry, interviews Nicole about her life and experiences as a childfree woman. Nicole is 54 and has built a 25-year career in mortgage lending. She loves spending time at her cabin in the woods, has 3 dogs, and has a 23-year partnership with her husband.
1. Did you decide to be childfree or was it a decision made for you? Tell us about that: Why, when, how?
A little bit of both. I was the kind of kiddo who threw wild temper tantrums, and I feel bad for my mom who had to deal with me! I couldn’t blame her when she reached her limit, shouting: “I hope you have six kids just like you!” I would fire back: “I’m not having children!” As an adult, I didn’t rule it out, but I didn’t long to be a mother and having children wasn’t a goal for me. My husband was interested in having children, but it wasn’t something that was going to be a dealbreaker for him. He is 10 years younger than me, he knew that motherhood was not a top priority for me, and my age naturally decreased our chances. We did not use birth control after we married, so we weren’t preventing it, but since neither of us felt like our lives were missing something by not having children we didn’t take extra steps to try to get pregnant.
2. Do you have a partner? If not, is that also by choice? If you do, how did you get on the same page? When do you think is the time to have that conversation with a partner?
My husband and I have been together 23 years, and I think we’ve always been on the same page when it comes to having children. I think it’s a conversation that should be had early on. Obviously not first date kind of stuff, but it’s like any other “must” or “must not” quality on your list for who you believe is the right partner for you.
3. How does your family feel about your being childfree? Do you get any pushback?
Since I’ve said from a young age that I’m not having children, my family is not surprised I’m childfree and no pushback. I have two siblings who both have children. My father died when I was a teenager, and I lost my mother later in life, but she was always supportive of my choices around children.
4. How does being childfree affect your friendships?
Most of my closest friends are also childfree, and we’ve known each other long before any of us considered having kids. Each of us are childfree for various reasons. Among the friends who do have children, I wouldn’t say my choice to remain childfree has negatively affected those relationships.
5. What role, if any, do children play in your life? Would you like them to play a bigger or smaller role?
I have nieces and nephews that range in age from three to 40! I adore those kids, love spending time with them and being their Auntie. I enjoy being a part of their lives and being someone they know they can count on for love and support.
6. Is there anything you feel like you’re missing out on by choosing not to have children, even though you don’t regret your decision?
While I don’t regret not having children, I recognize that there are experiences associated with parenting that can be enriching. For example, I can see the joy and fulfillment that comes from nurturing a child and watching them grow. Especially now that my friends are taking their kids on college tours and feeling so proud. However, I find that I can also experience deep connections and a sense of purpose through my relationships with family and friends. I’m living a life that aligns with my values and brings me happiness.
7. What are the benefits to your decision to remain childfree?
Financial and personal freedom are at the top of the list. We will be able to retire early, travel, and can be spontaneous. Additionally, I think it’s been easier to excel as a mortgage professional which is a demanding and time-consuming industry. The long hours and intense focus required would have been challenging to manage alongside parenting, especially with the guilt I would feel trying to balance those responsibilities while providing for my family.
Please support Zero Kids Zero Regrets by visiting MenoLabs, dedicated to bringing advanced, innovative, and naturally sourced solutions to a woman's menopause journey.
