"Our friends who were childfree by choice warned we would lose friends over the choice not to have kids, and they were right."

 


In a new piece at Business Insider, Matthew Walters tells Kelly Burch that his and his wife's decision to remain childfree meant that they lost friends with kids — but, as many of us who have chosen to have zero kids have discovered, we may retain and find new friendships with other childfree people.

Orna and I were both over 40 when we married, but young enough that having kids was still a possibility. Lots of people assumed we were going to immediately start trying for a baby, likely through IVF.

Our friends who were childfree by choice warned we would lose friends over the choice not to have kids, and they were right. Other couples who married late and were going through IVF drifted away from us.

I noticed a difference between the men and women. My friends tended to say, "I'm so glad you finally found someone." Orna's friends would say, "So you're going to try for a baby now?"

Over our marriage, we've mostly stayed friends with other child-free couples. Many got married older, like us, but one of our close friends got married in their early 30s. They faced lots more pressure than us to have children because they were married younger.

The truth is, lots of friendships fall away as we age for a number of reasons. One of those reasons can be having — or not having — kids.

But the good news is that aging while childfree can mean stronger friendships than ever with friends who have made the same choice. 

And people who understand both the pressures and pleasures of being childfree!


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