Seven Questions with Josie
Welcome to Seven Questions — the Zero Kids Zero Regrets Interview Series!
In this edition, our business manager, Nicolette Landry, interviews Josie about her life and experiences as a childfree woman. Josie is the Senior Manager of a GovTech professional services team. She lives with her husband, puppy, and two kitties in the foothills of Colorado.
1. Did you decide to be childfree or was it a decision made for you? Tell us about that: Why, when, how?
I remember it so clearly. I was 34 and my husband Cody and I were in Key West, FL, vacationing with another couple. We were sitting alone on a bench on a pier next to a cruise ship passenger loading and unloading zone. The timing of two boats docking at the same time couldn't have been more perfect.
The first was a Disney Cruise ship unloaded hundreds of couples and their children — screaming kids, either crying about something or excited to explore — and parents either screaming back at them to settle down or to not go too far, or to stop fighting, or, worse, bickering at each other.
The second was a tiny boat with a couple in their 60s, sporting healthy tans and holding hands, setting out for a late breakfast at a nice restaurant.
I asked my husband then if he was really serious about being okay with not having children. He said he'd always imagined being a dad, but that he'd be okay if he wasn't. We decided right then that we were going to skip the screaming vacations and 18 years of taxi service and go straight to the holding hands and eating late breakfasts at nice restaurants.
2. Do you have a partner? If not, is that also by choice? If you do, how did you get on the same page? When do you think is the time to have that conversation with a partner?
I do have a partner. And though I always dreaded being a mom, I always assumed I'd change my mind and end up being one. But at 26 years old, when I met my now-husband, I was still dreading it and, whether he wanted to know or not, I said it often.
We must have had the conversation seriously at some point in the next two years before we married, but I don't remember it being a planned conversation. NOT having kids wasn't really a thing back then, so I didn't really know we were supposed to sit down and "officially" have one. It just happened organically. I don't know when the right time is, but I assume if you know for sure that you don't want to be a parent, it should happen sooner than later if you are serious about the person.
3. How does your family feel about your being childfree? Do you get any pushback?
We're lucky that both sets of parents are averse to conflict and avoid upsetting topics at all costs! [laughs]
I'm sure my mom wishes I'd had children. My brother did, but they are far away, and she doesn't see them as often as she'd like. She's also always said it's different when your daughter has children. How? I'm not sure. Probably daughters lean on their mothers more when they are raising children, and she was looking for that.
My husband's sibling is also childfree, but his parents have found surrogate grandchildren through their neighbors and they love it! Both sets of parents would have been thrilled, but neither of them ever pressured us.
4. How does being childfree affect your friendships?
I never thought this would happen, but we have grown apart from all of our past friends who had children. I have a strong circle of childfree couples that we see often and travel with. And I love it, because we're able to be more spontaneous with activities.
And we still do things we could do with kids, but don't have the hassle of naps, and food planning, and packing a car full of stuff to keep kids happy and busy. We go to movies; we take off for a week at a cabin; we go to haunted houses; we have pizza nights and game nights and slumber parties. Our dog is our +1.
5. What role, if any, do children play in your life? Would you like them to play a bigger or smaller role?
Kids play virtually no role in our life. We have two nephews that we play Nintendo Switch with once a month. And that's fun. But that's about the right amount of time. [smiles]
6. Is there anything you feel like you’re missing out on by choosing not to have children, even though you don’t regret your decision?
Not really. I think there's probably an unconditional love that I'll never relate to, but having never felt it, I'm not really "missing it."
And I do have worries about burdening my brother or nephews with my estate when we pass — but I wouldn't want to burden my children with that, either.
I think childfree people/couples don't have as many options now for services they'll need as they get older (alternative housing, in-home healthcare, retirement communities). It's an untapped market, and I'm excited to see where it goes by the time I need it. But it's advice I'd give any younger childfree couple: Part of all the money you're saving by not having children needs to be saved up for an in-house nurse and housekeeper.
7. What are the benefits to your decision to remain childfree?
Bags of money! Flexibility. Spontaneity.
Finding what you love to do (careers or hobbies) earlier and getting to do them your whole life, instead of waiting until the kids are out of school and supporting themselves.
This sounds weird, but I think you become more self-aware, sooner, because you aren't focused on children. Meaning you learn what makes you happy and what doesn't make you happy sooner. And the sooner you know what makes you happy, the longer you get to do those things before it's too late to do them.
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