Avoid Regret by Knowing Yourself
There is an excellent piece in The Guardian on "the mothers who regret having kids," which addresses the subject with the earnestness and sensitivity it requires.
Among the compelling interviewees is Tanya, a 37-year-old mother of two, who notes that she experienced "probably unintentional gaslighting" from friends and family who assured her that "she'd be overcome with love for her own children" when she expressed reservations about parenting. Ignoring her own instincts, she decided to become a mother.
"As soon as I got pregnant I was like: 'Oh God, I don't want to be pregnant,'" says Tanya, whose second child was unplanned. "But I kept believing: 'I'll have the baby and then I'll be fine.'" After giving birth to her first child, she experienced postpartum depression. "I haven't reached a point where it's been fine," she says.
Transitioning into motherhood, Tanya felt a measure of what she calls "identity erasure": the loss of her past self and all she had prioritized and enjoyed, such as making music and teaching yoga. But the issue was more fundamental than that. She simply did not want to be a mom.
Tanya says she feels foolish for making such a permanent, life-changing decision despite her uncertainties.
She should not feel foolish. Social pressure is enormous and can be difficult to ignore, especially when applied aggressively by family and friends. She should, however, feel generous for sharing her experiences so that other women might learn from them.
Trusting one's instincts about parenthood, regardless of what others tell you, is incredibly important.
It's wise to remember that no one else can tell you what being a parent will be like for you. They can only tell you what being a parent is like for them, and everyone's experiences are different.
Know yourself, and you won't regret the decision you make.
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