Top Ten Things I Can Do Because I Chose Zero Kids
There's no question that my life would be very different if I had chosen to parent. Some of them are fairly obvious, and some of them may be less so. And although there are far more than ten ways being childfree has affected my life in positive ways, here are my personal Top Ten Things I Can Do Because I Chose Zero Kids:
1. I have been able to maintain friendships from every stage of life. One of the things I am most proud of is that I have many long-term friendships, despite the fact that I'm a very shy person who is also terrible at networking! I still keep in regular touch with people I met all along the way, as far back as elementary school. Nurturing relationships takes time and energy, and I wouldn't have nearly as much to dedicate to maintaining these friendships if I were a parent. (Probably not coincidentally, most of my longest-term active friendships are with people who are also childfree!)
2. I have greater financial security. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Kids are expensive! In choosing not to parent, I not only have the freedom to be more indulgent with my discretionary spending, but, more importantly, the ability to save for retirement — and emergencies along the way.
3. I have loads of free time. A lot of childfree folks will tell you that they have tons of time to spend on their hobbies, and that is definitely true, but I also have plenty of free time to do absolutely nothing. I love doing nothing! When I do get up to social activities, I love having the downtime to recharge afterwards. Having free time that isn't dedicated to a specific thing is highly underrated.
4. I have psychological freedom. I mentioned this in my Seven Questions, and I'll say it again here: the biggest benefit to being childfree for me personally is the psychological freedom it affords. Not having to worry about another person for whose life and safety I'm responsible is a massive bonus.
5. I have the opportunity to work on myself. Always striving to become a better person is an objective I deeply value. I also recognize it's a luxury. Working on oneself requires time, and often the help of a professional therapist. (I've definitely benefitted from therapy.) I know and understand myself better with each passing year, and I wouldn't have had as many emotional and financial resources for that pursuit if I were a parent. I'm a better person for the people around me, and I am better at advocating for my own needs, both of which lead to greater contentment and overall happiness in life.
6. I have more career flexibility. Apart from the obvious reasons, I have also done jobs in the public sphere that came with some physical risk to myself and my family. It would have been, for me, a much more difficult decision to pursue those opportunities if I had had children who couldn't consent to those risks the way an adult partner could.
7. I have been able to rescue more animals. Even if I had chosen to parent, I'm sure I would have been involved in rescuing animals, but having zero kids has allowed me to adopt and rehabilitate more animals and tougher cases who demanded more attention and money than I would have had to spare if I were parenting.
8. I have taken risks in my career and personal life. All of the risks I've taken jumping feet-first into new career challenges, even when money wasn't guaranteed, and all of the risks I've taken making big romantic leaps, and all of the risks I've taken moving to new places that I had barely even visited first, have made my life interesting and exciting! Each of them would have been exponentially more difficult, if not impossible, if I'd had kids to consider.
9. I know my retirement won't be spent raising multiple generations. My parents, along with many other Boomers (and now Gen Xers), did not anticipate spending their golden years still raising children. But my parents are now raising their great-grandchildren, after raising their grandchildren, for a number of difficult reasons. They aren't actually obligated to continually parent, but they feel obligated, so the future they saw for themselves has disappeared. None of us knows what our future will hold, but I definitely do not want that future for myself and my partner — and zero kids means zero chance of that fate.
10. I can focus on my partner and benefit from their focus on me. Our partnership is solid, and it brings us both immense joy and satisfaction. A big part of that is, frankly, all the time we have to give to each other. Having spent decades now with someone, just the two of us (and our pets), I honestly can't imagine it any other way.
